IIRC, he was born around '48, being that he was 20-ish when he was in Vietnam in 1968. FWIW, he's in pretty good shape for his age, and I think it was only a couple years ago that he and his wife rode across America on their bicycles.

I could be such a happy writer, if fanfic were enough.
And, ftr, I don't know Chabon, but I know someone that does. Between you and me, I wouldn't be surprised if he's another rich and powerful guy all "Baby, you said what on Salon?! No, of course I love your freedom of speech..you know it gets me hot. But does it have to be so much at once...Baby...Love and kisses."

"So, Drama, there's this guy on the internet that hates my guts."

Drama clapped his brother on the shoulder awkwardly. "My God, bro, you've arrived! Damn it, I told myself I wouldn't cry. But it's a powerful moment when you see your name in pixels, Vince.Of course, those of us on Viking Quest had nothing like the kind of presence an actor can expect now. Lucky bastards. You got a fanlisting yet?"

"Yeah. A few.It's no big deal, but I was just wondering if I should talk to this guy. Meet with him person-to-person and talk to him about this photo he put up."

"Vince, if you do that, you might as well put a target on your ass and bend over, pardon my French. You'll look touchy and temperamental and before too long you'll be in David Caruso territory. I'd be remiss in my duties as a sibling in the same industry if I didn't point that out. The fact that our trash cans face my bedroom is, I promise, a secondary issue, although very pertinent to my beauty sleep."

"He could go through my garbage?"

"Well, he would have legal protection if he did.Once we toss it, it's not ours in any private-property sense."

"Check out the Arnie Becker of Queens over here."

"Uff, don't remind me. I could have been a *lock* on that part if Bochco hadn't wanted a 'more seasoned 'actor'. Whatever that is."

"He meant old and beat up, Drama. Call him now."

"Fuck you, pretty boy."

"You know I love your stories, Johnny. But I've been around enough to know that when the show-runner says no, you're a long way from a lock. I'm just saying...we could ask E. if you want."

"Well, if you just want to hear the company line, sure. E's forays into formal education have left him with far too much sympathy with the Establishment viewpoint."

"What's so wrong with being like Caruso anyways? And I know you didn't call my best boy a suit, Drama. He fuckin' loves you, man, and you wait till his back's turned, and...that's just not cool, Drama. Not cool at all. I might have to go somewhere else to get my advice. And my supplements."

"All I meant was, Vin, E's not an artist. He doesn't see the world like we do. We 'walk in worlds others fear to imagine'

"That come from Viking Quest?"

"No, Buffy The Vampire Slayer. It's the one show Turtle and I can agree on in the morning since he told me a very *disturbing* fantasy involving one Kathie Lee Gifford." Vince's eyebrows went up. "Thanks for taking one for the team, there, buddy."

"Any time, little bro. It's nothing short of my raison d'etre. Well, that and the development of my creative instrument, of course. I should have said 'during those morning when I'm not working'

"I know what you meant," Vince said, and the brothers hugged.

"Did you have your echinacea today?" Drama asked. "I feel bad you didn't have it last week."

"If I had, I never would have met Lisa." Vince said. "And I don't know what to do about that."

"Honestly, bro, as someone sleeping across the hall from you, I beg to differ, just a bit."

Vince blushed."I don't mean it like that. And I'm sorry about that. She's just, like, thankful, or something. I think she's been jerked around by science geeks. That's all the more reason to take care of this internet thing."

"So, on a scale of one to ten... with one being mummy pussy and ten being lovestruck-stalker-mix-tape..."

"God, Drama, Turtle didn't even ask me that. Aren't we a little old to be swapping stats?"

"You're afraid of her, aren't you?"

Vince made the 'just a little' finger gesture.

"Just make sure to stay your own man...the (continued...)

( continues...) dynamic between Ari and Mrs. Ari raises serious questions about whether he could ever be the representative I need."

"Remember, when it comes to that, I'm absolutely Switzerland, Drama. Chocolate and fuckin' cuckoo clocks. You promised me. It's bad enough between him and E."

"Shanna..."

"Vincent!"

"I hate when you call me that. It makes me think I should sit up straight and eat all my vegetables."

"You should , you know, I'd kill to have a complexion like yours. And those eyelashes, my God. So, what's on your mind, darling?"

"Well, I would have called Ari first, but it's kind of awkward."

A pause, as Vince pictured his publicist applying something to her nails."Sorry, Vincent, perfect moment for a clear-coat.Awkward for him, or for you?"

Vince chuckled. "I don't know. Both? Why do you ask?"

"Because, awkward for you, lay it on me and I'll try to fix it. Both cause it's my job and because I'd fuckin' hate to see you get worry wrinkles. Awkward for Ari, well, I could give a shit, personally. Cause you're a nice young man and Ari Gold makes me revise my opinion on waterboarding, on, like, an hourly basis."

"He's not that bad."

"I know you think so, sweetie. What's your problem?"

"Well, I'm kind of seeing someone."

"It's not Mandy, is it? Because my nonna always used to say 'Once bitten, twice shy' you know what I mean? And I'm too pregnant to be asskicking pop princesses and hoping for discretion."

"It's not Mandy...god, can't anyone ever let that go?"

"You had us all worried, Vincent."

"I know...I'm sorry."

"It's not Jessica Simpson is it? Cause good luck, even with your assets,getting past that father."

"No..."

"I'm about out of pop songstresses here, Vince, unless I can dare hope it's Pink. I like her. She's shaped like a real woman, and I almost sent Turtle a link to "U and UR Hand"

"No, she was my doctor, when I had strep...Dr. Lisa Cuddy. And she's forty, and she's Chief of Something at Princeton-Plainsboro."

"My God, Vince, I'm kvelling. My god, it's like my boy became a man overnight...mazel tov, darling."

"You know you're still Italian, right?"

"Through and through, but you know, when in Rome... "

"Yes, well, I was hoping to keep it out of the papers."

"My God, Vince, why? Any second now, you're going to hear a moaning sound followed by a giant slither as every woman between the ages of twenty-five and fifty-four slides into the multiplex on her own lubrication to see everything that that very cool, unthreatened by a capable woman, Vincent Chase, does. I mean, they're already going to want to fuck you, Vincent. If I tell this story, they're going to want to bring you home to meet their mothers too. Which I know is a tough tightrope to walk, but luckily for you, you have a Wallenda for a publicist."

"But what about Ari? They go back to high school or something."

"Ooh, can I tell him? Since I got knocked up my life has been zero fun. Please?"

"Knock yourself out. Not literally."

"Only if it's what the script calls for darling."

"You're the only woman that matters, Shanna."

"Vincent, don't tease a woman with these hormones. Seriously."

"You've got Gold,"

"Wow, that's new. I guess your hood ornament wasn't quite big enough, huh, Ari. Listen, I know something I think you should know."

"Do not...and what could that possibly be besides the miracle of water retention?"

"Yeah, I get it. I'm big cause I'm pregnant...how much do you think your heiress wife would enjoy knowing you talk to me like that in my condition, do you think? To say nothing of the *pathetic* rounds of pigtail-pulling with Dana Gordon. Not that that's all your fault...girlfriend needs a serious life. Anyway..."

"Can we get back to the say nothing part again?" Gold drummed his fingers on his desk and thanked G-d that Shauna lived in a different class than they did.Women had this way of bonding, and Ari didn't need that, not on top of the Vince And Eric Homeboy Hour, which at least paid his commissions. Next client, though, would have to be a fuckin' island. Maybe a freak from a sanitarium or something. They had rights now, with the ADA and all that, right? He'd have to Google it to be sure.

"Absolutely. But Vince Chase has a new girlfriend."

"I knew that...I was just waiting to see how much you knew about it before I went on the record," Ari bluffed.

"Oh, so she told you then? That's great, cause you know how loyal Vince is...he was all worried about the fact that the two of you have some sort of personal connection, and..."

"I don't know how that story about me and Sarah Silverman got started...she takes krav with my wife, for Christ's sake."

"Imagine that," Shauna rolled her eyes and mouthed "Fucker," at Kristi, who scurried off to fetch her boss a fresh drink.

"You know," Gold continued. "Underneath the glamour, this is very much like a small company town. Except the Palm stands in for the company store, or the cracker barrel, or whatever-the-fuck."

"Nice fusion of metaphors, there, Ari. Maybe if Terence ever gets sick of you, you could start over writing press releases for me."

"You know, I would, but the Jewish religion has no conception of hell. If that ever changes, little mother, I'd be all over that."

"Well, I don't know how much Dr. Cuddy shared with you," Shauna continued, working the conversation back to business, "But I'm sure you can see the strong human-interest potential, especially among women in the target demographic."

"Dr Cuddy?" Ari said. "Dr. Lisa Cuddy? My Dr. Cuddy?"

"Dr. Lisa Cuddy, Dean of Medicine in some hospital in New Jersey," Shauna read smoothly, thinking Holy shit, the beast has feelings. It shocked her so much she forgot to be amused by Gold's discomfiture. It was sort of like that scene in the black-and-white Frankenstein where the monster hands the little girl a flower:creepy, and happy and sad all at once.

It was also the last thing she needed for her publicity strategy. Damn it.

"Look, Ari," Shauna lied. "My three o.clock's waiting...we'll talk later. Hang in there."

"Look, this is no problem for me. But Lisa is forty and single and may be feeling spurned because of an incident at an alumni event a few years back."

"Spurned?" Shauna said,. "I don't think women *get* spurned anymore, Ari. And if we do, I hope we all get lucky enough to have Vince Chase as a fallback."

loves. this. story.

IT'S LIKE WATCHING THE SHOWS!

As you can tell, there are frequently no words for how awesome I think Shauna is. If I did work there, her part would get bigger immediately. And I don't mean porn. And, yay, I finally get to use the tiny bits of public-relations "wisdom" I learned at college. Although, no, my instructors never made it sound *quite* so nasty, but I figure that Shauna is: a. Jersey girl fabulous
and 2.Talking to guys like Ari all day long, who stop just short of that whole Lyndon Johnson thing of trying to take a meeting and a crap at the same time.

So, she better get crude or go home. But it's not the way she talks all the time. ETA: Except, unfortunately, I sort of made poor Shauna, like, a horse or something. Because at this rate, she'd be pregnant for for more than a year.But, as Neil Simon said, you don't cut funny. So I'm not, because I think that whole bit is, pun intended, comedy gold. But if I do want to write a spec script, I need to be mindful of that kind of thing.

I think I need to start watching Entourage

Wow, really? Thank you so much. (Although I can't take credit for the Piven or AG's astonishing "Pretty! Want." levels of foamiosity.) But I'm flattered, nonetheless. Don't get many compliments at Sbarro's.

All I can say about this bit is that there's a real freedom in writing about characters your mother will never be curious about. Ari/ Mrs Ari

"Baby, I brought you a little something," Ari Gold held out a brightly wrapped box to his spouse, who remained unimpressed.

She sighed. Ari hated that sound like few things on this planet."If it's lingerie, you mean you brought yourself a little something, don't you?"

"Well, yes, but you end up with the bigger something later, don't you?" He kissed her neck.

"Yeah, Ari, make with the sweet talk, I'm all aquiver. Meanwhile I look like a prostitute at the dry cleaners.And I'm running out of fresh places to take it all. And I've got a luncheon to plan by Thursday, and I just don't have time for your midlife bullshit right now."

"Midlife doesn't start till you're forty-three, baby, and okay, maybe I was a little tacky, but you know I want you bad, right? That sometimes I don't even shower after we do it because I love going into my meetings smelling like you. And it's great for the meetings too, cause I'm like, boom...instant stallion. All because I'm wearing Essence of Gold."

"You don't shower?" Mrs. Ari asked. "I really think you should."

"Oh, okay, you caught me," the agent continued, but he did note that his wife's mood had elevated in a promising direction."Three out of four times I do, but the fourth time is my favorite."

"Really, Ari?"

"Would I lie to you?"

Her withering look hit him like a sharp kick in the jewels. "Okay, I should have said, would I ever lie to you in a substantially relationship-altering fashion, because you know I wouldn't, darling. I signed that contract with Grossman."

"That I'll buy. Do you really love the way I smell?"

"Darling, I would love your tub-ring, if you ever lightened up on the housekeeper enough to have one...."

"If there are rings in the tubs, it means somebody's scratching the porcelain...should I leave a memo about the special cleaner again? The decorator was quite emphatic."

"Baby, remember Game Day?" The second it's out of his mouth he wishes some director, or even that schmuck Grossman, would come out onto his patio, say "Cut," and free him from himself.Fuckin' real life should have dailies.If it did, he would look like a decent person a full forty percent of the time, he's convinced. Ok, thirty-five, with a percentage of back-end karma...at a time like that, it doesn't pay to be too picky.

"Yes,Ari, I do," Usually, he counts it as a win when he's pushed someone so far, he can't see what they're thinking in their eyes anymore. Now, he just feels like shit. But he's good at it, and he didn't get anywhere backing down, so like an asshole, he finishes the thought." Well, that's how I feel about this domestic bullshit. You are a fucking goddess, the light of my life...I never want to know you think about countertops."

"Well, someone has to, Ari. Who will do it if I don't? You?"

"Darling, if you weren't here, I'd be eating out of the dumpster at the Palm, bottle of Scotch in one hand and my cock in the other...you know that."

"And it would be bad Scotch, too," his wife replied, as if this were the sad part. "You have no taste."

"Except you," He kissed her fully on the mouth.

"Okay, I'll give you that. Even though I picked you."

"So you say," he teased. "Maybe I just let you think that as part of my plan. Boom, five steps ahead, baby."

"Yeah, you have your little games, Superagent Gold...I suppose I should see how awful this new gift is."

"You know, I would be insulted, but right now, I'm just thrilled that you'll open your box for me."

"Ari!" But she was only mock-scolding, more laughing than pissed. Score another one for the Miracle Worker, Helen Keller with titanium balls.

"That's what bothers you, not me talking about going into work covered in your...juices?" Ari pointed out. "I don't understand you sometimes."

"Yeah, Ari, like that's news.' she was (continued...)