::has no words::

Erika, it's like watching the fucking show, woman. You are AWESOME.

Thank you...that's a beautiful compliment. Even if it did mean that I'm really good at being a twelve-year-old boy. (And I'm making the assumption, since we don't really ever see it, that E & Vince were attracted to SB because it has a lot of raw, autobiographical material in it. But that can be a real mindfuck, I'd imagine, because it's like "Let's see you Emote through the Worst. Moment. Of Your Life.) Or one that's, like, close enough, right? It was hard, because I *am* an introspective intellectual who's been in tons of therapy, so I was constantly fighting my urge for E. and Vince to give away the store, emotionally, in the last bit. I was constantly thinking "Hello? Young guys?"

So, Ari gets a little vulnerable in this bit. For Ari, anyway.Maybe not for most people.

Ari Gold had that dream where he was at his office and he wasn't wearing pants(or,to clarify, the less-fun version, without his lovely new assistant Eliza Whatsis, that bad one from the vampire show his niece liked) This one was purely an anxiety dream, of the sort he'd had on and off since law school, and Ari hated it. He was also puzzled, as they tended to decline in frequency once the money came in, or maybe that was just because he slept less.

He looked around the darkened anonymous hotel room, unsure of where he was, and when he tried to call Lloyd his throat burned and a sniff came out of him that reminded him of the little problem with the powder from his bachelor days.

"Lisa," he said into his cell phone. "Come over. I'm dying."

He then spent the twenty minutes of his waning life torn between the urge to call his wife(he decided he wouldn't. Let his one decent act be one morning where she could lie unmolested by calls coming from the other coast. It wasn't like she didn't know where the insurance stuff was; she put it there.) and wondering vaguely whether calling a hot doctor in his last moments would cause a John Garfield legend to build up around him. He decided he would like that, but maybe his wife wouldn't. It might interfere with the only good thing about being dead--the chance to be fucking idealized.

Finally, the knock at the door. "You keep a dying man waiting?"

"You're not dying. I was at the pharmacy. So, I guess you're not bulletproof. I'm sorry about that. I did warn you this could happen."

"But it can't. I have a sit-down with Bruckheimer at 9:01 on Friday."

"So what, you're going to name-drop this germ into submission? I don't think so, Ari. Besides, isn't he the jerk that makes all the movies where the water towers blow up? I hate those kinds of movies."

"You're not a fifteen year old boy,"And she thought she saw his gaze linger on her breasts, and the disturbing part was she wasn't sure how she felt about that.High School Lisa would be very appalled as High School Ari was in AV and very much a step down for even a science-geek loner like she had been, but he wasn't too short anymore and surely those rumors about him hanging around gymnastics practice with a Polaroid were just that, rumors, and surely she was old enough not to pay attention to petty gossip. To cover her discomfort, she busied herself opening a package of paper cups and the antibiotics."Here," she said, handing him a bottle of water and a pink pill. "Take that."

"If I take two of these bitches...will I get better faster?"

"No! You're still not any good at science, are you?"

"You should have seen your fuckin' face, Lisa. I haven't seen a woman get that appalled since Cancun '92. But you got all white and shit...nice. Made me think you really cared.If you can tell me how you did it, I might not completely screw the pooch on this Bruckheimer thing."

"I care if you die, Ari."

"Wow, that is the second sweetest thing a woman ever said to me....well, without Dr. Grossman moderating."

""And I'm actually feeling a little guilty. Because, when you called me to come to your room, I thought..."

Gold held up a hand. "No confessions. We're both a little wacky here, me from what I can only assume is a fever, although it can't be helped by proximity to that Crusading Doctor thing you've got going on. I've got transference wood, Lisa. I am serious. If I were my whole self, I would totally take you over to that piece of shit table and give you a transcendent experience. It's the least I could do...you saved my life. Do you ever just wake up, Lisa, and think 'I'm Lisa Cuddy, and I'm going to make some disease my bitch today? Because you should. Because you can."

"No, Ari, I don't do that," Cuddy told him, though there was some new pep in her step, she had to admit."Because my job isn't some big glorified game of paintball where I count (continued...)

( continues...) up the corpses every day."

"You know, people say that to me all the time. Well, usually not twice, but you can get by with it because you knew me before I had hair on my dick...okay, I still don't get it. If that's the way I experience what I do, how am I glorifying it?"

"Maybe you should rest now, Ari.Try to sleep. I understand transcendent experiences take a lot out of a person."

More of my fic:
Cuddy couldn't believe her ears when she heard Gold sound so chastened on the phone "Baby, it's me. No, I won't be home till tomrrow. I'm sick. What do you mean, you know? What kind of thing is that to say...what do you think Doctor GrossmanETA: I decided he was Grossman before...will fix. ED) would say if he knew you said that? We both signed that agreement about not poisoning the well, remember? No, of course I won't tell him, but I'm just saying, darling. Tell Sarah Vince is also fine. Yes, he went back to work this morning. But I could get comlplications if I fly and it could be hard to pay for weeks in the South of France if I'm suddenly deaf. Although it might be an advantage with some of my clients, ha, ha. Oh, I'm sure the doctors will be absolutely thrilled to know about the doctors your dad knows at Sloan-Kettering, although those are oncologists, darling and I'm like, 90% sure I don't have throat cancer...of course I'll pass along their names anyway. Just in case. Sure. Yes, I know your dad could never do enough for me. When I'm flat on my fuckin' back...no, there was no tone. I just sound funny from all the medication. Love and kisses." And then Ari made kissing noises in the phone, and for a moment he looked like that boy that couldn't name the parts of a cell all over again.

"I'll handle it," House said, when Cuddy told him.

"You? Sure, because when I have a ticklish interpersonal situation I always ask myself what you would do. But mostly so I can do the opposite."

"Well, that explains the blouse."

"With the two of you around, a polo shirt seemed right for some reason." Cuddy's cheeks were pink. "Don't be obnoxious."

"But how would you recognize me? Apart from the bitchin' cane."

"No, on the phone. They are funding my women's clinic, House. Pretend to be a normal person...promise me."

"For a woman like Mrs. Gold, I'm better than a normal person. I'm a doctor."

And he took the phone from the downcast agent's hand. Ari being too upset to pay attention to the fact that House wiped it down before he used it.

House played the odds and hit one on the agent's speed-dial.

"Shalom, Mrs. Gold, yes, I have your husband here. He's very upset not to be flying to see you tonight, but I told him he couldn't...uh huh.What? Nephrology and infectious disease...no, I'm absolutely not trying to soft-pedal that something is wrong with your husband's kidneys. Not at all...Johns Hopkins. Mostly cause I didn't get in at the University of Chicago like your oh-so-clever spouse. Oh, somebody's quite a fast hand with the Google isn't she? Well, what can I say, Mrs. Gold? As the philosopher says, I fight authority, authority always wins. See, it's not every talented man, if I may say so, who has the kind of civilizing influence someone like you provides."

House said goodbye and clicked END.

"You're sending flowers,"

"You don't have to do that, man. Although I love you for offering."

"I'm not; Dr.Wilson is."

"House," Cuddy warned him. "You have to stop stealing from Wilson."

"It wouldn't be a month for Wilson without my unauthorized charges, Cuddy."

"I would say I'd erect a statue to you,doctor, But I wouldn't want you getting excited." Gold replied.

"Just never try to hug me again and we're fine. I'd hate to have you slip on my cane again."

is slain

In a good way, I hope. Because I wasn't sure I got it that time, although I know one thing for sure...Greg House doesn't "hug it out" ever. But I thought it'd be funny for House to be able to charm Ari's wife. Just to prove that he could do it, if nothing else. And you never really know when House will take an interest in somebody.

A little bit more, but I'm concerned...is House unsympathetic?
"How does this affect your diagnosis, doctor?" Turtle laid out some green, leafy wares in front of House, who considered it at length."I wanted to get to you first since I owe you one."

"Not bad, Turtle." House said, taking some out and sniffing deeply. "And, bear in mind, I'm not like your usual clientele, who thinks wine coolers in the parking lot the height of sophistication. But it's not great either, and I was expanding my consciousness when you were trying to make your training pants look street."

"Oh, here we go," Turtle rolled his eyes."Another long fuckin' story about toking up with Pink Floyd in one speaker and the Wizard of Oz in the other...dude, if you're going there, I'd, like, almost rather watch Viking Quest with Drama again."

"I would say 'Don't mock what you don't understand', but I'm aware that I'd be sentencing you to elective mutism so I'll let that go."

"Damn straight."

"Did you say "Viking Quest?" "Yeah, so?"

"Well, I liked to get high and watch that one too. Man does not live by "Dark Side of The Moon" alone. If you can get your hands on some episodes for me, I think we can work something out."

"Drama will be thrilled. Maybe not about the wasted part, but he always gets super-stoked to talk to somebody who remembers that fuckin'thing.

"Cuddy's in the hall," Eric said. "And she looks pissed."

"Mr. Chase, I need to talk to you!"

"Um,"Vince said."One second...let me put a shirt on."

"Oh, that's telling her, Vin."

"Turtle, could you chill, please?"

"Yes?" Vince opened the door. Cuddy felt self-conscious about the sleep shirt she was wearing, and blushed.

"In private, please,"

"Guys, go to the restaurant downstairs, get something...I'll just see what Dr. Cuddy wants for a second."

"Ok, but tie a tie on the door if you don't want us back right away."

"That won't be necessary."Cuddy replied.

"Well, you know, if you want to go in a different direction," Turtle leered.,

"Thanks anyway,"

Grumbling all the way, the recovering posse left, and for a moment, Cuddy and Vince looked at each other in the sudden silence."I want to apologize for them...they're good guys. They just like, haven't seen a lot, you know?"

"Yeah, I do. But that doesn't change the fact that you owe me a hundred thousand dollars right now...You broke my doctor, Vince. I've got a brilliant diagnostician down the hall from me who's boning up on his X-Box so he can fight it out with Turtle."

"Excuse me?" Vince's eyes were wide."And I think someone is being awfully careful to let me know she's in her room alone."

"I had no intention of...look, I always knew Dr. House had a slacker side, but don't you think you bear some responsibility for that Judd Apatow Road Show you travel with?"

Vince considered. When he did, his eyes grew dark."I can see you thought a lot about this, and it's upsetting you, and if I spend one more minute in that awful room I'm gonna go apeshit, and I owe you one...would you like a drink?"

Cuddy thought that he was the best-looking person she had seen in real life, and that the attention he paid to every word out of her mouth was novel indeed. "Okay, but I don't suppose we can just go down to the lobby restaurant now?"

"No, that place sucks...let's leave it for the knuckleheads...I know a place...kind of out of the way, but they serve great calamari. Which Man...my ex-girlfriend would never eat."

"No, I love calamari, but it's kind of late for such rich food, isn't it? And I'm hardly dressed for going out."

"But that worked out as a bawling-out outfit, huh?" Cuddy enjoyed his amused look.

"All the same, with that, and my concern about spicy food, I'm feeling like my own grandmother right now. Please let me change."

"You could never not be good-looking, Lisa." Vince told her. "I hope I'm not over-stepping...it's just that going out with someone I only know as "Dr. Cuddy" makes me feel like a mental patient or something.And Ari talks about you a lot."

"He does?" Don't think about the the other part, Lisa, Cuddy warned herself.

"Yeah, and I ought to be mad at you. Because he.gives you a lot of credit for the way he turned out."

"God forbid."

"I know!"

• **
  

In what seemed like no time at all, Vince and Cuddy were getting the flashing-light treatment from disgruntled waiters at a hole-in-the-wall Italian place called Salvatore's. Cuddy noticed immediately that it was a young man's attempt at a cool restaurant, but the food was good, and it was refreshing not having to make a lot of foodie chat to prove that she belonged somewhere.Two hours had passed like nothing and Cuddy had not checked her Palm once.

"I think we've better get going,"she suggested finally. "We're starting to get the fish-eye."

"Oh, no, really? But I do have an early call tomorrow...this was fun, though."

"Yeah." It was such a relief to say that without faking.
"Look, I never do this, but if you're going to be in this area for a while, you can call me."

"I might just do that." It was so nice to say that without faking.

A nice evening didn't immunize Vince from crap from the guys. "Hey, it's alive..." E. said. "Nice of you to come (continued...)

( continues...) back.Ari left like, five billion messages."

"That's a few billion more than normal," Vince admitted. "I'm sorry about that. You didn't tell him anything did you?"

"How could I?" Eric pointed out. "I don't know anything."

"Nice Sicilian answer, E. Considering you're Irish. But now that we're all paisans in here, how was Dr. Feelgood, Vince?"

"Call her that again and you'll get a beating, Turtle."