I really need to be working, but I feel the need to post one more thing.
P-C, you are absolutely a good guy. No doubt. And I think one of the hardest things to convey to nice guys is that the side of me that you see--flirty, playful, comfortable--is a result of feeling safe. The thing is, I only feel really safe when I'm around people I trust and love. Every guy, even if he seems incredibly cool and sweet, has to earn my trust before I'm going to relax like that around him. Sometimes that trust can be transferred (friend of a trusted friend, etc.), but it is never going to happen instanteously. So when things happen like the other day when a very nice older gentleman started up a conversation with me in line at Dunkin Donuts and tried to buy me coffee, I was not feeling safe or happy. What I was feeling was "Why the fuck is this guy talking to me, what does he want, what's his angle, and is he going to slip me something?" I know it's not "fair" to him that I instantly suspected him of ulterior motives, but this isn't a fair situation. It isn't fair that I have reason to be suspicious of strange men, either.
So when a guy in a mall starts looking at me, there is a part of me that is flattered. There is a bigger part, however, that is ready to fight back.
It's not that I'm scared all the time; it's just that I'm aware and ready to defend myself.
You could also take krav, you know.
I'm not nearly hard-core enough. In particular, I have arthritic knees.
After taking kickboxing, I'm a lot more confident on the walk to the car, or to my apartment when I have to park around the block.
I'm just confident that no one thinks I can hurt them, and so doesn't think I can put up much of a fight.
And then I'll shock the fuck out of them when I land that perfect kick or that punch that takes out the bastard's windpipe leaving him gasping while I RUN VERY FAST.
Being followed, for me, has distanced itself from imminent threat of physical harm. I dislike it because I fear something I can't fight my way out of, or scream, or call the cops on.
Inappropriate attachment. Rather than thinking that guy over there with stars in his eyes who's shadowing my steps is either a) gonna mug me or b) gonna be my Prince Charming, I fear he's going to stick to my elbow like glue, and fail to understand my social indications that he should back away.
I have been sexually assaulted once. I ended it really early on in the attempt. I've had guys emotionally limpet themselves to me for years at a stretch, and it's debilitating and enervating and really horrible. And the efforts to end things like that have made me act like a person I don't want to be.
I'd rather just bite that one guy's tongue again, have him curse at me and never speak to me again. That was quick and tidy.
I'm not nearly hard-core enough. In particular, I have arthritic knees.
You don't have to be hardcore! Or even healthy. It's not self defense for supermen -- it's self defense for people. Perfectly normal people, with perfectly normal reflexes and maximised to make it about using those natural reflexes to win out over someone stronger.
Rather than thinking that guy over there with stars in his eyes who's shadowing my steps is either a) gonna mug me or b) gonna be my Prince Charming, I fear he's going to stick to my elbow like glue, and fail to understand my social indications that he should back away.
This, exactly. I've come across far more annoying than scary guys.
Edit: And needless to say, even fewer Prince Charmings.
t puts on the bitch hat
There was a bad landslide in southern CA. Some people were killed. [link]
I was feeling very sorry for the people when I ran into this.
We were standing on the street and just talking and somebody said, 'Oh my God!' and then the hill came down," Mike Bell said. "It covered the same three or four houses it hit the first time, then came across the street and hit six or seven more houses. It clearly destroyed them. It just blew them apart.
"The first time" was an El Niño year in the 90s. Why in God's name were people allowed to rebuild? It isn't as if you can stabilize a coastside cliff.
He pulled his hand away like he'd been bit by a snake, he turned around with huge eyes, obviously appalled by what he had just done, and stammered an apology. I told him it was no problem. Then, as soon as he was out of hearing range, I fell into hysterical giggles.
Hee! At Back-to-School night, this Fall, Scott was reaching up over the lockers, to straighten out one of Ben's pictures, that wasn't taped well. I came up next to him, but he didn't see me (I'd been in talking to the teacher). When his hand came down, it brushed my breast. The look of panic melting into relief was priceless.
It's not self defense for supermen -- it's self defense for people.
I guess I tended to think that if it was something that attracted you, it was ipso facto too much for me.
