Well, hell.

Yup.

Anyone object if I spoilerishly rant about the season premiere of House? Because critics everywhere seem to be swooning over it, and I thought it was complete horseshit.

no. please do!

Spill!

I spent about 99% of the episode convinced it was a brilliant dream sequence and that House was going to wake up in a pool of his own vomit at the end, but...it wasn't.

It really was 2 hours of schmaltzy feel-good Girl, Interrupted CRAP. House defeats his inner demons and learns to love. And all the people who wanted him to "win" and beat the system, well, they were just evil enablers who didn't want him to get better (yes, including the audience). Apparently being an asshole is a psychiatric disorder on par with schizophrenia and bipolar, who knew? I mean, I'm not a doctor or anything, but I'm pretty sure prescribing SSRI's for "being a big jerk" is an off-label use.

I can't even begin to describe the stupidity that is Franka Potente's character. She was the main reason I was convinced it was all in his head for so long - I just could not believe that they REALLY wanted us to believe in this person.

The only upshot is that House gets out at the end of the ep and is on the road to getting his license back. So hopefully things will be back to normal soon.

House defeats his inner demons and learns to love.

wah I'm not saying change is bad, but a quick fall back into old bad patterns would be ok with me.

As for the plot, it's trying very hard to be One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest, but winds up (like I said) turning into Girl, Interrupted. Which I *hated*.

House gets off Vicodin in the institution he checked himself into at the end of last season, and tries to leave but the head doctor tells him he needs to stay and work through his issues or he won't get a letter of recommendation that he needs to get his medical license back.

So he tries a bunch of schemes to annoy the doctors into letting him leave, none of which work, and eventually he decides to stop fighting and really try to get better. They never specify from what, except for vague references to his always screwing up relationships. Which may be a reason for needing some talk therapy, but I'm pretty sure is not sufficient reason to be institutionalized against your will.

His roommate is Lin-Manuel Miranda (from In The Heights, playing basically the same character only bipolar). There's a woman who hasn't spoken for ten years. There's a claustrophobic guy, a suicidal woman, a schizophrenic, and a guy who thinks he's a superhero.

Franka Potente plays the sister-in-law of the silent woman. She comes in a few times a week to play the piano for her (because she was an ex-concert cellist). She and House begin an affair for no reason at all.

At one point the guy who thinks he's a superhero gets put on meds and House decides that the doctor is out to get him. So he steals Franka Potente's car and drives the superhero out to a county fair and let's him feel like he can fly. Then the superhero jumps out of the parking garage and almost dies and House feels REALLY BAD. He doesn't go to jail for stealing Franka's car, and she doesn't go to jail for letting him and being an accessory to this guy practically killing himself. And she's not even mad at House for doing it, because SHE IS CLEARLY NOT REAL. Except she was, and I just threw up in my mouth a little describing their relationship.

Superhero guy rants about how "they stole her voice!" and thinks he can save silent woman. House figures out that he's been talking about a music box on a shelf in the nurses' office. He gets it out, gives it to superhero guy, who gives it to silent woman, who says "Thank you." EVERYONE IS AMAZED. Later she plays the cello for them and they are all moved to tears. This all really happens and is not a hallucination.

Silent woman is moved by her family to a rehab facility in Arizona and Franka of course is going too. Even though she really wuvs House and doesn't want to break up with him. Even though their relationship makes NO FUCKING SENSE.

Oh, and the head doctor is played by Andre Braugher whose father is dying and he asks House for a consult at one point and then House runs into Franka Potente in the chapel and they have sex in someone's office and the whole scene is lit like a cheap porno but is inexplicably also not a dream sequence.

And after Famke leaves, House is sad but goes back to the hospital and Andre Braugher is really proud of him for coming to talk to his psychiatrist instead of taking a lot of vicodin. Yay, House is all better now. He will get his letter of recommendation and can go home a changed man. The end.

Oh, and there's a psych ward talent show where House and Lin-Manuel Miranda rap together. I am not making this up.

Okay, so why was he seeing visions? It sounded like he had a psychotic break at the end of last season. Not something that can be fixed easily I wouldn't think.