I'll just jump in my time machine, go back to the twelfth century, and ask the vampires to postpone their ancient prophesy for a few days while you take in dinner and a show.
Giles ,'Selfless'
LotR - The Two Towers: "Dude, Where's my Precious?"
"One ring to rule them all, one ring to find them, one ring to bring them all, and in the darkness... Hey, what the... Where'd it go? It was here a minute ago... Stupid hobbits..."
A discussion of Lord of the Rings - The Two Towers. If you're a pervy hobbit fancier, this is the place for you.